Losing Control Of My Destiny

It has been a great two months! Although there never seems to be enough hours in the day, the days are always great. This week I have been shadowing Carol while she is giving out the medication to the boys. Monday will be the first day that I will be giving medication to both the boys and girls at Orphanage Emmanuel and as always, prayers are appreciated J There is talk about me getting to borrow a bike for the medication rounds (twice a day) and not only would this be fun but it would also save time!! Hopefully it all works out, and you know I will be posting pictures of my new wheels if it does J  I have also started spending some time in the Office during the afternoon helping pass out presents that the children receive from their sponsors and helping translating letters from English to Spanish or vice versa. Honestly I was hesitant when I was asked to begin helping in the office, but this opportunity has really given me the chance to spend some time with a few of the kids one on one which is always nice. The babies are as cute as always! They learn so fast! One of my favorite things they have been doing lately is to come up to me and say “sientente” (sit down)  and hop on my lap or squeeze on the chair with me. It is so cute! Two nights this week Madison, Ashlea, and I had a pajama party with the teens and watched A Walk to Remember. It is such a sweet movie, and instantly reminded me of the countless times I watched it in Junior High! It was fun to hang out with the teens in their houses where we could just laugh and relax some at the end of the day!

Earlier this week another volunteer and I took six babies to the park. We do this about five times a week and the kids always seem to have fun! When we got to the park we ate snack and played on the swings. Two of the little boys, Pedro and Eder, decided to wonder towards the monkey bars a little ways away. One of the boys, Pedro, began climbing the ladder so I helped them get to the top of the monkey bars. I held onto him to make sure he didn’t fall and we began to try to complete the monkey bars. He got to one bar and held on so tight that he refused to let go to move onto the next bar. After a while I told him, “Baby you have to let go” to prompt him in moving forward. And then it hit me. ..  I can be so stubborn. In the same way that Pedro refused to move forward on the monkey bars, I can choose to hold onto past regrets,  anxiety, or mistakes and not move forward when the whole time God is right there holding me saying, “Baby you have to let go.” Not only is God the One who cares enough to hold me during these time, but He is the one who MADE the monkey bars and can see the next bar that is just in front of me if I would let go and TRUST Him. God is so good and He has a plan for my life: to give me a HOPE and a FUTURE (Jeremiah 29:11). And His ways are HIGHER than my ways ever will be (Isaiah 55:9). There is also a time for everything (Ecclesiastes 3) and I am looking forward to the new times of my life. I really am blessed. 

Lord Empty Me Of Me So I Can Be Filled With You

The days seem to be going by quicker each week!  I still LOVE working with the babies! They have all grown so much in the past  seven weeks!! One of the little girls took her first steps yesterday! I was so proud! Others are talking more and more each day! The teens, some days, can be challenging but are also so fun to work with! I see changes in them as well. One of the girls who started off having an attitude with me, beat me to the kitchen this afternoon so that she could fill up all the water glasses before I got there.  It is always great to see these changes within the teens! I have started a new job at the Orphanage I have begun distributing medication to the girls twice a day. It has been great to go to the other houses and get to meet the younger girls who live there.

One wall in the volunteer house is now claimed as “The Encouraging Wall of Hondo” J One night during devotional the volunteers were talking about being encouragers, and the idea came up to make envelopes with our names on them to put on a wall so we can send each other little encouraging notes throughout the day. It really is crazy how a simple note of appreciation can make daily chores so much easier to complete!  It really has been a blessing to get to meet these awesome people that I am volunteering with!

Last Sunday a man from the team shared a story of an event that had happened on a previous visit to Orphanage Emmanuel. He said that one day he was working in the Warehouse, and a poor Honduran man drove up in an old beaten down truck. As the man got out of the car Poppie explained that they were going to fill up this man’s truck with as much rice and beans as would fit. The man telling the story explained that while he was loading the truck he began to become annoyed that they were giving so much food away, because he sends items to the Orphanage and helps pack the containers that his church sends.  He said that once the truck was as full as it could possibly get, the Honduran man thanked Poppie and went on his way. Poppie then turned to the man helping give out the food and asked him if he wanted to know the secret to always having a full Warehouse at Orphanage Emmanuel. The man stated that he did, and Poppie told him the secret to having a full Warehouse was to always give everything away.

As I thought about this story later during the week I realized in a way Poppie could have also been asking the question “Do you want to know the secret to having a full life?” I feel like the answer to this question would be along the same lines as the "Warehouse Theory". Give. Give all you have: your time, energy, money, words of encouragement,  and anything else you are able to and let  God be faithful to fill you up! 1 Peter 4:10 states “Each of you should use whatever gift you have received to serve others, as faithful stewards of God’s grace in its various forms.  If anyone speaks, they should do so as one who speaks the very words of God. If anyone serves, they should do so with the strength God provides, so that in all things God may be praised through Jesus Christ. To him be the glory and the power forever and ever.”  

If His Grace Is An Ocean, We're All Sinking

This blog post may come across as jumbled, and for that I apologies. I feel like this past week has been full of a lot of pieces of a huge puzzle! I know inevitably after I publish this post I will think of the one story I KNOW I should have added. But hopefully that is ok J

The first thing I want to start with is a huge prayer request! Orphanage Emmanuel is a non-profit organization and each month there is a large crate delivered that is FULL of food and donations. It is a wonderful system and a huge gift of love sent from different people in America. Well, currently there are two crates that are being held at the port in Honduras. One of the staff members explained that there used to be someone at the port who was sympathetic to the orphanage and made sure that the donations always cleared quickly, but that person no longer works there and people who work for the port have begun stealing items out of the crates and purposely holding the crates and asking for more money to clear the crates. The crate that has set there the longest now has food that is past the expiration date, which creates another problem and the government is requiring that when the crate is released that that food is automatically burned. It is discouraging to see corrupt people take advantage of their power, because ultimately is it the children who are missing out. Please pray that these individuals will have a change in heart, and that the two crates will be released quickly!

On a more positive note, there are many things that I love about being in Honduras. One is the sense of community that I have gotten to be a part of within the volunteer group here. It is wonderful, and I feel like in America when we all have everything we could ever need it is easy to miss out on a sense of community. Within the volunteers, many times we will have all done our grocery shopping only to realize that we forgot eggs or something but then we will all trade food with each other and help each other out so that everyone can make whatever it is that they were wanting to eat. Tonight we also all met up after we got off and worshiped together, which was a great way to end the night! I realized today that I have had the privilege of, in a way, seeing 1 Timothy 5 lived out that talks about treating the different age groups as family members. It is crazy that after a month of taking care of the babies here I find myself worrying about every bump, bruise, and rash all the 12 different babies have.  I have also never had a sister, but at times here I feel like I have 70 younger sisters who I want to help and protect so they do not make the same mistakes I did when I was there age.  Speaking of bumps and bruises though: yesterday in the baby room I was sitting in a rocking chair rocking two babies and watching baby Maria on the other side of the room, rocking on a toy lion. As I was watching her I realized that she was getting too much momentum and not paying attention to what she was doing. The rock directly after this realization was the one that was too hard, and the momentum caused her to fall forward and she was unable to catch herself.  It happened in slow motion, and I didn’t realize I had begun screaming until she was on the ground and I was picking her up. It was so horrible to watch, but thankfully in the end all she had was a bruise under her chin L When I was walking home after my shift that afternoon I realized that God probably feels the same way when we watches us play as close to the lines as we can, knowing that ultimately we WILL get hurt. I know He wants to reach down and catch us before we fall, but unfortunately some times he just has to wait for us to hit rock bottom with a few bruises before we are willing to cry out for Him to come pick us up off the ground. Being at Orphanage Emmanuel has given me the opportunity to worship with a lot of people that I would not have otherwise had the opportunity to worship with. Each week a new team comes in, and this past week the team that was here invited the volunteers to come to their devo one night.  During the worship time of their devo, the song leader introduced us to a song he had written. One phrase of the song really stuck with me. It said “smash me and break me and make me to something you can use.” This line got me thinking back to all the times I had complained to God while I was in the process of being smashed. I wish I could look back and say that I had a heart that was willing to be molded, but unfortunately the opposite is true.  A few nights later at church the preacher told the story in Isaiah where Isaiah goes to the Potters House and God reveals to him how the Potter has the right to change the pot into whatever shape He sees fit. I have been praying to have a change of heart and a willingness to be molded into the person Christ needs me to be.

“He must become greater. I must become less.” –John 3:30

To Humbly Be Still

Honduras is humbling. There is a teenage boy here who is amazing and brilliant. He is fluent in Spanish, English, is learning French, and now is successfully writing in Braille. As I was leaving the orphanage yesterday another one of the volunteers, we stopped by to let the director know that a group of us were going to buy groceries. While the other volunteer was inside talking, I sat down with another volunteer at the picnic table where she was helping a boy write a letter to his sponsor. As I began talking with them, I was privileged to learn his story. Last December this boy began having problems with his vision, and since then has been increasingly losing his ability to see. A few weeks ago another volunteer taught him the Braille alphabet and how to use a Braille typewriter so he was writing a letter to explain his situation to his sponsor in America. He was able to translate his thoughts from Spanish to English and then from English to the Braille letters. One sentence that really amazed me that he wrote in Braille was “I know God has a plan for my life.” Wow. Here is a young man who is losing his ability to see, but still chooses to fix his eyes on Jesus. I would like to believe that I would have that strong of a faith, but at the same time I look back at the times I had MINOR setback in my life and realize how much I let it affect me and my relationship with God. I feel like the boy’s father in Mark 9 that begs Jesus to help him overcome his unbelief and lack of faith.

Lessons can be learned from any age group. The babies that I get to spend the majority of my day with are funny, cute, messy, and sometimes cranky. There is one who is such a funny baby. He is larger than the majority of the other babies and always wants to play with the smallest babies at the house, so ten to fifteen times a day I have to remind him to be “suave” (gentle) and “simpatico” (nice). When he plays with the other older babies at times they will begin to fuss with each other and sometimes they, like all nonverbal babies do, begin to hit. This particular baby believes that it is totally fine for him to hit or take a toy from another child, but as soon as that action is returned he is the first to run to me saying “pow pow” which means “spanking”.  I began to see how this cycle has mirrored my relationship with others, and in turn my relationship with God. I feel like my actions are always justifiable ( I am tired, that person should know better, I don’t have the time, I was just venting) but as soon as someone does something that hurts me I find myself running to God and demanding justice. I need to learn to be more forgiving to others and be more willing to extend the grace and patience towards them that I automatically (and presumptuously) assume others are willing to give to me.

I am so thankful to be here and continue to pray that God helps me to have a heart like His. I want to have eyes that see others as God sees them and that are open to see everything that He will teach me here. Please pray for the babies here because half of them have diarrhea.