If His Grace Is An Ocean, We're All Sinking

This blog post may come across as jumbled, and for that I apologies. I feel like this past week has been full of a lot of pieces of a huge puzzle! I know inevitably after I publish this post I will think of the one story I KNOW I should have added. But hopefully that is ok J

The first thing I want to start with is a huge prayer request! Orphanage Emmanuel is a non-profit organization and each month there is a large crate delivered that is FULL of food and donations. It is a wonderful system and a huge gift of love sent from different people in America. Well, currently there are two crates that are being held at the port in Honduras. One of the staff members explained that there used to be someone at the port who was sympathetic to the orphanage and made sure that the donations always cleared quickly, but that person no longer works there and people who work for the port have begun stealing items out of the crates and purposely holding the crates and asking for more money to clear the crates. The crate that has set there the longest now has food that is past the expiration date, which creates another problem and the government is requiring that when the crate is released that that food is automatically burned. It is discouraging to see corrupt people take advantage of their power, because ultimately is it the children who are missing out. Please pray that these individuals will have a change in heart, and that the two crates will be released quickly!

On a more positive note, there are many things that I love about being in Honduras. One is the sense of community that I have gotten to be a part of within the volunteer group here. It is wonderful, and I feel like in America when we all have everything we could ever need it is easy to miss out on a sense of community. Within the volunteers, many times we will have all done our grocery shopping only to realize that we forgot eggs or something but then we will all trade food with each other and help each other out so that everyone can make whatever it is that they were wanting to eat. Tonight we also all met up after we got off and worshiped together, which was a great way to end the night! I realized today that I have had the privilege of, in a way, seeing 1 Timothy 5 lived out that talks about treating the different age groups as family members. It is crazy that after a month of taking care of the babies here I find myself worrying about every bump, bruise, and rash all the 12 different babies have.  I have also never had a sister, but at times here I feel like I have 70 younger sisters who I want to help and protect so they do not make the same mistakes I did when I was there age.  Speaking of bumps and bruises though: yesterday in the baby room I was sitting in a rocking chair rocking two babies and watching baby Maria on the other side of the room, rocking on a toy lion. As I was watching her I realized that she was getting too much momentum and not paying attention to what she was doing. The rock directly after this realization was the one that was too hard, and the momentum caused her to fall forward and she was unable to catch herself.  It happened in slow motion, and I didn’t realize I had begun screaming until she was on the ground and I was picking her up. It was so horrible to watch, but thankfully in the end all she had was a bruise under her chin L When I was walking home after my shift that afternoon I realized that God probably feels the same way when we watches us play as close to the lines as we can, knowing that ultimately we WILL get hurt. I know He wants to reach down and catch us before we fall, but unfortunately some times he just has to wait for us to hit rock bottom with a few bruises before we are willing to cry out for Him to come pick us up off the ground. Being at Orphanage Emmanuel has given me the opportunity to worship with a lot of people that I would not have otherwise had the opportunity to worship with. Each week a new team comes in, and this past week the team that was here invited the volunteers to come to their devo one night.  During the worship time of their devo, the song leader introduced us to a song he had written. One phrase of the song really stuck with me. It said “smash me and break me and make me to something you can use.” This line got me thinking back to all the times I had complained to God while I was in the process of being smashed. I wish I could look back and say that I had a heart that was willing to be molded, but unfortunately the opposite is true.  A few nights later at church the preacher told the story in Isaiah where Isaiah goes to the Potters House and God reveals to him how the Potter has the right to change the pot into whatever shape He sees fit. I have been praying to have a change of heart and a willingness to be molded into the person Christ needs me to be.

“He must become greater. I must become less.” –John 3:30

To Humbly Be Still

Honduras is humbling. There is a teenage boy here who is amazing and brilliant. He is fluent in Spanish, English, is learning French, and now is successfully writing in Braille. As I was leaving the orphanage yesterday another one of the volunteers, we stopped by to let the director know that a group of us were going to buy groceries. While the other volunteer was inside talking, I sat down with another volunteer at the picnic table where she was helping a boy write a letter to his sponsor. As I began talking with them, I was privileged to learn his story. Last December this boy began having problems with his vision, and since then has been increasingly losing his ability to see. A few weeks ago another volunteer taught him the Braille alphabet and how to use a Braille typewriter so he was writing a letter to explain his situation to his sponsor in America. He was able to translate his thoughts from Spanish to English and then from English to the Braille letters. One sentence that really amazed me that he wrote in Braille was “I know God has a plan for my life.” Wow. Here is a young man who is losing his ability to see, but still chooses to fix his eyes on Jesus. I would like to believe that I would have that strong of a faith, but at the same time I look back at the times I had MINOR setback in my life and realize how much I let it affect me and my relationship with God. I feel like the boy’s father in Mark 9 that begs Jesus to help him overcome his unbelief and lack of faith.

Lessons can be learned from any age group. The babies that I get to spend the majority of my day with are funny, cute, messy, and sometimes cranky. There is one who is such a funny baby. He is larger than the majority of the other babies and always wants to play with the smallest babies at the house, so ten to fifteen times a day I have to remind him to be “suave” (gentle) and “simpatico” (nice). When he plays with the other older babies at times they will begin to fuss with each other and sometimes they, like all nonverbal babies do, begin to hit. This particular baby believes that it is totally fine for him to hit or take a toy from another child, but as soon as that action is returned he is the first to run to me saying “pow pow” which means “spanking”.  I began to see how this cycle has mirrored my relationship with others, and in turn my relationship with God. I feel like my actions are always justifiable ( I am tired, that person should know better, I don’t have the time, I was just venting) but as soon as someone does something that hurts me I find myself running to God and demanding justice. I need to learn to be more forgiving to others and be more willing to extend the grace and patience towards them that I automatically (and presumptuously) assume others are willing to give to me.

I am so thankful to be here and continue to pray that God helps me to have a heart like His. I want to have eyes that see others as God sees them and that are open to see everything that He will teach me here. Please pray for the babies here because half of them have diarrhea.

A Week of Celebrations :)

The past week has been full of celebrations! One neat thing about living at Orphanage Emmanuel is the different cultures that I have gotten to learn from. At the Orphanage, about half of the staff and 1/4 of the volunteers are Danish, and this past Wednesday was the Danish Holiday of “Sankt Hans aften”. I had never heard about this holiday before and was interested to see what it was about. They explained that it was their tradition to make a witch out of craft supplies and have a bonfire and burn the witch. Due to some hard work from a few of the male volunteers, we had an awesome witch to burn! At the bonfire they also taught us how to make bread on a stick which is like a corn dog without the hot dog. It was good! We agreed to celebrate their Danish Holiday, and they are looking forward to celebrating the 4th of July with us! On Wednesday morning Jessica and I were also asked to help decorate for a Quinceanera for a girl named Merci. They showed us her beautiful blue dress and said that the colors of the party needed to match the dress. We spent Thursday and Friday looking up different craft ideas and making them and then all day Saturday transforming the gym. I was so thankful for all the parties that Allison has decorated so nicely for, and recycled a few of her decoration ideas! A lot of my time was spent tying blue material cut out into triangles together to make a banner. In total, it took 200 triangles to go around the gym! Jessica made an adorable banner that said “Quinceanera”. On Saturday I was SO thankful for all the other volunteers coming by during their only breaks of the day to help us put up the decorations. They all came by at JUST the right time and were so wonderful! The Quinceanera was really special to get to be a part of, and all of the girls who attended were so excited to be wearing their fancy dresses! They all wanted me to take their picture at the party!

I still am overwhelmed at times by the amount of love some of these kids show. Today my morning started by a 12 year old girl running up while I was still walking to her yard, hugging me, giving me a bracelet she had made, a note she had written, and a picture she had drawn.  It was so sweet! I do not know what her past was like, but her letter said multiple times that she loved God and that God loves me.  I am excited to see what this week will bring!

The Honest Cries Of Breaking Hearts, Are Better Than A Hallelujah.

This morning I had a conversation with one of the other volunteers here that really caught me off guard. At first I didn’t think about it too much because there is always so much going on, but once the day has wound down I find myself coming back to our conversation. In general, I can see both sides of any argument. When talking about “Pro- Life” versus “Pro- Choice” (Which is not what I want to happen now…) there is always the horrible “..but what if the girl was raped?” scenario. This morning the other volunteer told me that three of the babies in the baby house were born to mothers who were raped by their step-fathers and then kicked out of their houses. This fact is simply horrible. I do not know why this happened, but I DO know that God has brought three BEAUTIFUL, HAPPY, HEALTHY babies into the world. My heart has broken for the young teenage mothers here who have suffered abuse, but I hope someday to have half of the COURAGE that they have.  I pray that this never happens to anyone else, but today I was able to see how God can bring beauty from the messes humanity makes. 

We Can Carry On Dreaming

This past week, once again, went by quickly! I have continued doing meal times with the older girls, mornings with the babies, clinic shifts (listening to some Zee Avi), and now have also started helping out on Tuesday and Thursday evenings in the baby room getting them to go to sleep. This has become one of my favorite parts of the week! For the most part I get to hold sleepy babies and watch a Disney movie with them, put them in their pajamas, and then help one of the older Honduran girls get them to sleep J Basically it is a pajama party with 12 babies! (And baby pajamas are just too cute!) On Friday evenings I also take a shift sitting in the court yard at the teenage girl’s house and let the girls who work inside their house once they get off of work. This week was the first week of doing this, and it rained the WHOLE 2 hours!! It was a crazy Honduran storm! I have heard the saying “cleanliness is next to Godliness” and at Orphanage Emmanuel I am pretty sure they believe this to be actual doctrine. Volunteers and Staff members are constantly cleaning! Most floors here get mopped a minimum of three times daily and laundry is literally a never ending job! One of the staff members explained that with the rain and flies, that constant cleaning is a great preventative to getting sick and this makes sense! Yesterday the female volunteers tackled the two hour long job of deep cleaning the house (literally a couple of the other girls and I cleaned the showers with a toothbrush…) For all the times I complained about cleaning at Harding, I would like to take this moment and formally repent J

This week the book that I read was called Heaven is for Real by Todd Burpo. In no way is it my place to comment if this is a work of fact or fiction, but regardless it is a really sweet story. I loved hearing Heaven explained through the eyes of a three year old! One of the cutest explanations was when Colton Burpo says that Jesus died on the cross because he wants everyone to get to meet his dad! Such a childlike faith that a lot of times is easy to miss!

One HUGE praise of this week is that Baby Maria is better and was able to leave the clinic and return back to her house!! She is eating (and pooping) normal once again! She is such a sweet baby and loves being held and played with, and it is great to see her in the mood for playing and laughing again!! Another thing that I really appreciate about Honduras is that Sundays really are a day of rest for the volunteers! It is so nice to go to sleep in (until 7:30 J) and then go to church, eat with the volunteers at the store, and then have some much needed down time! Saturday night I was tempted to open my letters for this week, but I made myself wait until breakfast on Sunday morning! This week I was able to read a note from John and Dana Dudley, and it included an awesome list of encouraging scriptures that was promptly taped to my mirror as a daily reminder! I also got to read the first of a few letters from my parents and that was great timing, with it being Father’s Day! My time here has given me a new appreciation to the importance of Fathers (and Mothers too!!!) and the vital role that they play in raising children! I was so blessed to have my parents! One verse that Orphanage Emmanuel emphasizes is Psalms 27:10 “Though my father and mother forsake me, the LORD will receive me.” Which brings hope for children who did not grow up with parents who took care of them and reminds them that God WILL take care of them! 

Freely You Have Received, Freely GIVE

This past week has gone by so quick! I can’t believe that I have been here 10 days already, only 109 left to go J There is always so much going on each day that it is hard to know where to begin! Towards the beginning of the week, I spent a lot of time shadowing my roommates Carol and Jessica and getting to see what they do at Orphanage Emmanuel. Towards the end of the week I got my permanent assignment! Each volunteer is assigned to a children’s house to eat meals with and help clean up after, and I was assigned to help with the older teenage girls. This is going to be somewhat of a challenge, because the girls here come from rough backgrounds and have a hard time trusting new people, understandably so. Also, one of the staff told Jessica that close to 60% of all the teenage girls are considered “special needs” for one reason or another.  After a few days some of them are starting to get used to me helping out and I am sure the longer I am with them the more comfortable they will be around me. Before I was assigned to their house I was eating meals with the 5-8 year old boys and I loved spending that time with them! They are so funny and love being hugged and held. My assignment during the day time is also to help out with the Infant and Toddler House, which I am really excited about! Throughout my time here there is a medical clinic that is primarily run by the volunteers. There are two nurses on staff who take care of diagnosing and prescribing medication, but the volunteers stay at the clinic 24/7 to help bathe and feed the kids and distribute their medication. I stayed a few nights last week with some of the other volunteers, and there is one sweet baby in the medical clinic that I have fallen in love with. Her name is Maria, and she is in the clinic because she has had diarrhea for over two weeks L Jessica and I talked with the nurse this morning, and he agreed to let us put her on a BRAT (bananas, rice, applesauce, and toast) diet for a few days if we were able to supply the food. In hopes that he would allow us to change her diet, I had googled how to make homemade applesauce last night and took my first attempt at making it! It was a lot easier than I expected and it turned out good! There are also mashed bananas and bland oatmeal ready for her whenever she will eat them! Please pray that Maria will take well to this adjustment and her diarrhea will go away!!

Down time at Orphanage Emmanuel is rare, but it is always so relaxing when it is here! During my down time I have spent time on the farm (which is always an adventure), hung out with the other volunteers, and enjoyed reading in the hammock. I have finished Donald Miller’s To Own A Dragon and Ron Hall and Denver Moore’s Same Kind of Different As Me. Both are great reads! I loved the final thought  in Same Kind of Different As Me: “The truth about it is, whether we is rich or poor or something in between, this earth ain’t no final restin place. So in a way, we us all homeless- just workin our way towards home.”  It was a great reminder!

I continue to see God through the life (and love) of the children here, the other volunteers, and the staff. Every day I am blessed to be here! I also continue to be encouraged from my family and friends back home and I got to read a letter from “Mamma Lisa Day” on Sunday before church J Also on Sunday during church I was able to sing “Might to Save” in Spanish with hundreds of orphans, and that song will never be the same to me! I already loved this song so much, but it was incredible to sing it with children who no longer have parents to take care of them, some who were abused, singing about the One who loves them and was mighty to save them! Another day last week I was helping Carol at her office job find children and give them birthday gifts that their sponsor sent and then helping them write a thank you letter. I was amazed by one of the 14 year old boys here. I gave him his birthday present which included candy and some outdoor toys. This is probably one of the only gifts that he will get this year, and he insisted on sharing the candy with all the kids and volunteers at the table. As we were walking back past one of the playgrounds he noticed his friend who was mowing the lawn. Suddenly he stopped, opened his box, took out a whole bag of candy (not just one piece), and threw it over the fence to his friend. This boy probably has few things to call his own, and he was freely passing them out to everybody so they could also appreciate it. I was amazed! 

Open the Floodgates

If I didn’t love to read, my backpack would be lighter… this thought crossed my mind many times while traveling to Honduras. After being in two airports, waiting in four lines, and standing in two countries I began to question my packing choices. But now that I am here and my things are unpacked I am glad I brought my books.  I brought six books total in my carry on bag, two necessities: my Bible and a Spanish Dictionary, and four others: Blue Like Jazz and To Own A Dragon by Donald Miller, Same Kind of Different As Me by Ron Hall and Denver Moore and Parenting Through  Crisis by Barbra Coloroso. I am a little over 100 pages into To Own A Dragon and once again love Donald Miller’s perspective. I am also 30 pages in Parenting Through Crisis and wanted to share the Peace Prayer of Saint Francis that begins the book, “God, make me a channel of your PEACE. Where there is hatred, let me sow LOVE; Where there is injury, PARDON; Where the is doubt, FAITH; Where there is despair, HOPE; Where there is darkness, LIGHT; Where there is sadness, JOY. Grant  that I may not seek to be consoled as to CONSOLE; To be understood, as to UNDERSTAND; to be loved, as to LOVE; for it is in GIVING that we receive; In PARDONING that we are pardoned; In dying that we are born to ETERNAL LIFE.” So beautiful J

Now that you know what I am reading, I also want to tell you what I have been doing and how I have seen God. Before even leaving home I was blessed so much  by my family and friends who came to my send off dinner. During that dinner Allison also gave me a lot of cards that amazing people have sent with me to open weekly during my stay here. I got to open my first two today, and teared up while reading them. Today I read one from my mema and pepa and one from Lisa Burley. I know I will also be rereading them as needed during my time here. Another blessing that happened before leaving the states was that Taylor Krall was so amazing and let me stay the night with here, which is only 100X better than staying either a) alone in a hotel or b) the airport. Both my flights arrived safely to their destination and Julio was waiting with my name on a sign at the airport to pick me up, which had been the part of the trip I was the most nervous about! Julio then took me to the mall and when I went to purchase my phone they informed me that I had to have a Honduras ID to get a phone. Julio used his ID for me to get my phone, which is more than I could ever expect any stranger to do! I then was able to get an internet connector and met up with 4 other interns who are so nice and invited me to go to the movies with them before going back to the orphanage, which in the end cost me less because we were traveling as a group! This morning I went to church and the lesson was on forgiveness, which was a great reminder of God being the God of Mercy and Healing. After church another volunteer took me to see the toddler and infant house where there are 50+ children, and they are all so precious! I really am hoping to get to spend more time with them! After lunch we were walking back and one of the workers at Orphanage Emmanule invited us to join a two hour tour that he was giving another group about the Orphanage! On the tour three things the worker said really stood out to me: #1 “Live by faith, it really is the only way to live.” (He explained that all the construction that has ever been done on Emmanuels property has been begun without the funding, and each time God is faithful to provide funds, materials, and workers!) #2.”If you want to work for God, do not worry about not having money, He has more than enough.” #3. “Find your calling (where God can use you) before finding your mate. When you find what you can do for God, He will provide the right person."

“Malachi 3:10 shows God’s attitude towards blessings: “ Bring the whole tithe into the storehouse, that there may be food in my house. Test me in this,” says the LORD Almighty, “and see if I will not throw open the floodgates of heaven and pour out so much blessing that there will not be room enough to store it.” I have enjoyed the little time that I have spent here, and look forward to finding out tomorrow what my assignments at the Orphanage will be J